Published Jun 24, 2016 @ 20:36
I don't actually quite know where to start. I have just started to tear up for the first time today, actually it's the first time I'm teary about today, even with the whole lead up. Today felt so normal, Isabelle turned 2. We had to wake her up this morning, because she wanted a sleep in, but it was Greg's first time home for her birthday. He wasn't even able to make it home for her birth. So today was so special for him too. (Hence why he is letting her stay up late tonight and play with toys and read her new books)
The day before Isabelle was born, I went to ED because something just didn't feel right. I was sent home after 2 hours of being hooked up to monitors, told to take some panadol and get some rest... I rang 000 at 3am, I was 8cm dilated and haemorrhaging. She was born an hour later in her bag. Naturally, no drugs, an episiotomy, forceps (because apparently you need them with a 1.2kg baby) and then stitched back up. I don't quite think panadol did the trick for me the night before.
Fast forward 2 years and late last night we put together her trampoline for her birthday present (which she absolutely loves and wants to 'jump mummy' all day long). The pain of putting that thing together wasn't that bad though. Oh and the cake, she asked for a moon and stars cake. She is fascinated with the solar system. Every time she says 'bye mummy', I ask her where she is going and her reply is 'the moon'. It is like christmas when she gets to see it during the day. So a moon cake it was, with cupcakes around it with stars on them.
When she turned 1, I planned her party for a good 4 months. I wanted it to be perfect. This year, we just wanted something small, nothing fancy, nothing over the top. Just cake and a play in the park. Days are going by too quickly at the moment. I can't believe she is now 2 and Penelope will be turning 1 next month.
My anxiety isn't as bad as it once was, I still get it when things get on top of me though and I forget how to communicate with people, especially with the hubby. I can smile now and laugh and get out and do things, but I still have days where I feel like I am an ant in this big wide world and if I make the wrong move I will get squashed. But the only thing I was anxious about this year was her cake tasting good !
I started remembering things when I was making the cake for her. Like when we first brought her home, whenever I changed her nappy I checked her temperature. I think I did that for the first month. She hated it, I didn't think to buy one of those electric ones, I had one of the old school under the armpit ones. It was a routine that I had kept from hospital and it was a pain in the arse, but she could never hold her temperature. Now she can !!! Which is so good, the first winter was hard but we got through it. She hated the bassinet and was in her cot about a month after we brought her home. She also hated being swaddled, and to this day she still hates sheets over her, unless she is in her sleeping bag. There are still traits from hospital that have stuck with her. But now she is in a toddler bed, toilet training is starting soon and she can almost string a full sentence together. She helps me with Penelope and she also pushes her away from her toys too. She also grew 16cm since her first birthday ! She is catching up now with kids her actual age, though we are starting to see some effects of her being born early with her lungs. Running around and playing causes her to cough after about 10 minutes. We hope it is something that she grows out of, though it will be something that we will need to keep an eye too, as we were told we won't truely see the affect of her premature lungs until she is around her mid teens.
Now for me to start planning Penelope's first birthday in 4 weeks time !