Feeling Robbed

Feeling Robbed

By Ally Filinski 

As my due date comes closer, 12th October to be exact, I can't help this feeling that is burning up from the inside.  I had it with Isabelle and now again with Penelope.  It's a feeling only a premmie mum would understand, it's an urge of being robbed.  Yes, being robbed of that full term feeling.  I clearly remember the morning Penelope was born, I woke up excited that this bub had been baking for an extra 3 hours then Isabelle did.  For me it was a milestone, only to be deflated 5 hours later.

I often get the comment, 'well at least you didn't have to endure the last couple of months', 'at least your tummy wasn't stretched', 'you're lucky you didn't get the waddle'.  Trust me on one thing, if you where to sit in NICU for a day, you wouldn't be making those comments.  I would give anything to have carried my babies to term.  I was plucked from work 6 weeks before maternity leave started, gosh i hadn't even had my baby shower, the nurseries weren't even started and I had nothing bought for them.

I was robbed, I want that waddle, I want that big pregnant belly, I want to be able to have my baby put on my chest straight after they're born, I want to be able to bring my baby home a few days after birth.  I have 2 children and I have never experienced any of that.  Isabelle was 3 days old before I was allowed to hold her, and 56days old before I could bring her home.  Penelope was 7 days old before I could hold her and 59day old when she came home.

I don't think this feeling will ever go away, not until I carry a baby to term

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